Vacation thoughts.

Vacation thoughts: What's everyone who is "high protein diet" fooled going to do when they have osteoporosis later in life because they depleted their bones of calcium? 

Did you know Women only need 46g of protein a day and Men 56g... anything consumed over that the body has to pull calcium from your bones to break down the protein. It's fact. Otherwise you need heavy calcium supplementation based on the amount of protein you eat to offset it.  The more you know.....

Just a quick thought: Marriage, Children and politics

People ask me all the time if I want children and the answer isn't so simple. It's hard for me to want to bring a new life into the world knowing what I know about our government and the world around us. People crying over infertility problems and Gay Marriage as if it's life  or death when it's privledge. If we have no earth left to use and our bodies are being eroded by the chemicals in the food we're eating then what does any of that matter. We've created such a divide and spewing of hate with the parties that nothing gets done but lining politicians pockets on both sides while we destroy the world. Simple solutions screaming at us in the face but all we care about is politics and slamming the parties. Our purpose has gone astray and they've hooked us... Well you... I'm an activist!

Why aren't you?  How can you care about marriage and children when the world is self destructing with cruelty and lies. Why would you pay 60k to fight nature and have a child when that money could adopt 3 children. How can you worry about politicians from any party when you voluntarily eat chemicals in foods and drink diet soft drinks. You care so much about your personal issues but don't care that we are clearly heading in the direction that will make things worse. Your vote may not count like you want it to but your daily actions do. Think about the world you're fighting to bring a child in to or to be married in. These rights mean nothing without a clean vibrant world to live in. 

Articles like this one: 

http://truththeory.com/2013/05/17/hemp-could-free-us-from-oil-prevent-deforestation-cure-cancer-and-its-environmentally-friendly-so-why-is-it-illegal/

This articles shows how hemp could save America and its industries by making our soil more fertile, providing textiles like paper and clothing, natural energy, medication as well as helping with cancer.  The sad reason why it won't happen is simple. It's politicians and capitalism ruling our lives. Specifically the industries that make the government money that would be eliminated. It just doesn't make sense that we focus on the things that go into having a life but really don't care about the things that keep us alive like our foods, soil, air and water. We care more about drilling off shore in Antarctica knowing we don't have the technology to clean a spill under ice than reshaping our economy through progressive means to make the world better for the future generations because that's not where the money is and its doesn't personally touch everyone immediately.

As I ponder on the questions of kids and marriage these are the things that come to my mind and adoption. I can't selfishly think about what I want in my life without thinking about the future of the world and what I can do to make a difference. 

Dating.

Ever the hopeless romantic in this technology driven dating world. I plenty o fish; said okcupid let's try this out and of course, I'm reigning tinderella.  After being chatted up by a cute musician with vegan tendencies who says he owns a healthy catering company, I get excited. Then he's also a personal Chef!?  Witty convo, mostly on my side cause my mind is just always on. The guy reads ingredient labels, can cook and is into fitness.

Then he starts gushing, "You're so hot and so funny, you're why I stayed on that app, I can't wait to meet you. I want to see you tonight"  I said "Awesome, what time tonight?" He answers "I'll call you in a few."  I text again a friendly "hey you!?"

Doesn't call but texts at 9 he's "at guitar center with band right now, what are you doing?"  I've been waiting to hear a time to hang out since 6 because that's how I am. You're a date. If I agree to a date with you, I make myself available. So, I basically blow it off as a fluke to give him a chance and still talk to the guy. I probably should have just cut it there. My gut said red flag but my mind called me judgemental and petty. Give him a chance. He even acknowledged he messed up.  

Next day he asks me out early in the day and when I ask to elaborate he suggests hot tub to which I say no, I'm looking for an experience with you to get to know you. Since he can't be creative, I plan for us to meet at a fun place for a night of air hockey, ping ping and to be silly, each brining a brown bagged drink like high school.  Mind you, I'm still on crutches. Regardless, I like to create fun experiences. I text I'm on my way, we are suppose to meet at 8 and he calls to say his "session" ran late and oh by the way he can't drive, it's a long story but he can still meet me. Call me crazy but when someone texts earlier saying "they're getting ready, see you there"  You think that means we are on for 8.  

I said that I wanted to cancel. He pleads a weak case but talks of things like holistic nutrition and music that capture my passion. Hopeless romantics bleeding heart.  I agree to go pick him up. He tells me directions to his cross streets. Those streets don't cross. I call for his address and he won't tell me. Tells me to wait at the stop sign he will be right there. My gut is screaming run. After a car comes and I have to pull over and no sign of this dude, I turn around and drive off.  The guy calls and my whimsical usual self is gone. I'm straight and direct. "Dude, if you want to date me get your shit together. Pick a time and a place and be there, this is bullshit". He precedes to text me that's he's thankful I saved him from dealing with a person with no patience. I tell him that he has wasted my time and has no mindfulness for anyone's time and that I have patience for respect and he has showed me none. I wished him well on his ventures. He continued to text that i wasted my own time and I wasn't a nice person. 

What!?  This seems to be the rotation that continually happens to me and other great people I know. How am I not a nice person?  It always seems to be that when you create boundaries for how you want to be treated and what you will allow in your life; people want to drag you across them like you're evil. It's not fair that I sit up tonight thinking, am I not a nice person?  Maybe it's the fact that it bothers me, that it would keep me up that makes me know that I am. I am nice and loving and wonderful when I feel respected. The most valuable thing in my life is time. If I give you my time it means I'm taking it away from something else that is precious to me.  I don't sit around and do nothing in my recovery, I make every minute count because it does. So, maybe the way I articulate the facts of situations rubs people the wrong way, maybe my intolerance for that which I know irritates me makes the people who irritate me think I'm mean but at the end of the day, it's usually the person on the other side of the behavior I call out that goes straight to insulting my person. In my world actions speak louder than words.  I am constantly asked why I'm single and the reason is simple. I am really happy alone and really happy with who I am as a person and I will only commit myself and give of myself to a person who adds more joy to my life than irritation. Someone who knows a little respect and mindfulness goes a long way. I am an experience to be had and you only get it if you come correct.  So, yes, I may get stuck in my head making sure I'm nice and I may go from hot to cold very fast but I know that I treat others with kindness, love and respect and if you don't think highly of me, it's most likely your problem. Not mine.

So my look didn't go to waste 😝

My Facebook feed after a national uproar

My feed is all hate creating hate, hating on hate and you know what I hate is your hate. So, if creating hate is what you wanted it's what you're getting. What was your issue again? I got lost in all your hate. We do it all wrong. Change doesn't happen with hate. Only destruction. Of something or someplace or someone. I'm missing the points again. #2cents

Monday Mornings.......Life..... Its what you make of it!

HHave you ever had anything you truly loved taken from you or worked for something with every ounce of your being just taken from you?  I have!

My 5 year old chihuahua suddenly coughed and 3 hours later was dead from heart failure.  I was destroyed.  I gave myself pneumonia from heartache.  In turn I ended up saving a puppy mill pomeranian from Parvo and helped to close down a fraudulent vet clinic.  I also rescued 2 additional dogs in her place.  #lemonade

I am a Medical Marijuana Activist and built a very successful collective that helped many sick people have access to medicine.  I am one of the good guys and spent 7 years fighting to stay open so I could help people.  In the end I had to choose between being a person of my word or screwing someone over but I choose to walk away. Physical disabilities aside, closing my collective for no reason other than politics.  My heart ripped from my hands.  In turn I am now working on developing technology to help patients gain access, doing interviews and consulting to keep the cause moving in the right direction.

I lost 100 lbs at 19  and developed a love for physical fitness.  I was hit by a car in July of 2013 and my ability to do the activities I love was taken from me.  In turn I work every day to get better, to develop ways to stay strong and I am writing books to help others learn how to eat to better suit their recoveries, holistic cookbooks and self help books.

I have 100's of stories like the ones listed.  Its the story of my life.

It may seem like I am a judgemental person or like I am hard on people.  I know, I am certainly accused of holding grudges but I really don't see it that way.  I only have room for good people in my life. The bad just comes from living life. I am hard on people because I am hard on myself. If I can live morally so can you. I am hard on myself because I always believe I can be doing better.  I believe that the energy that you allow into your life plays a huge role in how much positive progress we make on our own self esteem.  I can not keep company with negativity or people who are not progressive and honest about their life.  I live with full transparency with nothing to hide.  I am direct with people and say it like it is. I treat the people I love with kindness so I keep that circle small because the amount of love I give to the people I care about takes an effort and is thoughtful and genuine.

My goal is to be able to experience this life and the world through self love and positivity. To help spread the message that life really is your choice no matter what comes your way!

Pool Therapy Time! 

Raw Emotions

Ugh it's very hard to be positive today. I usually don't write when I'm crying and emotional but maybe someone will relate and it will help. I literally can't stand being alive living like this. I spent 15 minutes on a recumbent bike and floated for 10 minutes in water yesterday and today I can not move my neck, stand up straight or walk well at all. I'm fucking 36.  My pain threshold had been crossed.  It's the type of pain that leads even the most holistic anti pharm girl to take a Percocet. I usually can do anything with ease, solve any business issue practically, play any George Michael song on the sax but the one thing i can not do is figure out how to cure my physical disabilities.

It's the biggest mind fuck and I'm so thankful that I can usually see the positive and fight my hardest to make the best of things but today, today is not one of those days. I listen to others complain about what feels like "luxury life" problems like having trouble conceiving like it's the end of the world. It's not, the angst in me screams, if having a child is that important then it being your blood or not isn't a real problem. Having a child is a luxury, being able to walk is a necessity, my resentment tells me.  

Then I read articles with perfectly able bodied people having to get gastric bypass because they're 300 pounds, give me that body, I'll lose that weight naturally because not being able to control eating potato chips and junky food isnt a real problem, not being able to hold yourself up while you shower, that's a real problem. My grass is always greener instinct says, they're just fucking lazy and don't want to do what's right. 

Especially during my recovery my nutrition is perfection and I do everything in my power to properly work around my disabilities to keep the rest of my body strong. I do everything to type A perfection yet the problems are still there and the pain persists and there is nothing I can do. It's hard to look at the world around me and see people in what I feel are self created or not life shattering situations while I struggle to just walk. It's hard not to have resentment but the truth is I constantly remind myself it could be even harder, even from where I sit.  So, I allow myself to feel these resentments and to acknowledge its hard but then it's on to the next positive distraction even if it's playing my sax for only 10 minutes until it's hurts too much to play. Those 10 minutes of joy can produce enough elation (endorphins) to overshadow an hour of pain. Then onto the next positive thing because if I didn't keep myself positive, I wouldn't be able to give kindly and feel empathy for others. Like my friend who can't conceive because it is a real problem to her so it makes it real for me. 

Through my pain and hurt the perception could be the negative one my emotional instinct feels but through positive actions my true self reacts.  By taking care of my emotional needs honestly, I don't let it affect how I treat others because we are all supposed to feel and we all deserve to have our feelings respected. 

So emotional! 

Blogging Straight from soaking in the hot tub!!!! 

People are fucking unreal.

Wow! There are some really fucked up people in this world. I've always just known there are lines that I don't cross. There are ways to treat people and there are things you just don't do. This is called common sense.  I don't believe that people don't know hitting a dog is wrong. They know it is but they just want to do it anyway. So, the excuse is, I didn't know. Really!? You did.

Recently, I had an experience with a person who lives their life with the excuse of, I didn't know better, in order to justify their selfish choices. Instead of accepting their own decisions, they would self distruct. Torment themselves into crying fits over choices they made with situations that were as clear as knowing not to beat a dog. I would sit by and listen as they anguished over every detail of situations that common sense and my advice would leave any moral person to remove themselves from but this person would fuel the fire as if they needed the drama to feel their soul. To the point that they would put me in orchestrated situations, unbeknownst to me, that eventually put me in danger. Lie covering lie and each time they were caught by trying to remember their story.  Eventually, common sense would start to lead me to believe there was something really wrong with this person.  How could they repeatedly put themselves in the same position while repeatedly making the same bad choices with the excuse of, I didn't know better, I don't have experience. The truth is they do know better they're just so selfish that they just do whatever they want, then face the music after in such a way that now they are the victim. The only victim I see is the rest of the people having to deal with this self induced dramatic fire. 

This seems to be the status quo but is so unacceptable to me. We live an age where plans mean nothing and saying let's grab dinner Thursday is just a nicety not actual plans and the once respected word of man means nothing. As I experience this modern age selfish version of the friendship, I slowly retreat into my own haven. When I give my word, I mean it, when I make plans with someone my intension is to go and when faced with a choice that I know is wrong, no matter how much I personally want it to be right, it's still a wrong choice. If a guy has a girlfriend you don't sleep with him, if you don't pay for something you don't take it and it's really easy to know right from wrong.  You just have to be willing to accept the truth and know living in it is more joyful than not. We all know the rules and it sad to watch society twist and turn them to justify their own selfish needs. It's hard to watch but it's easy not to be a part of the problem. Everybody wants to move mountains for big change but really all it would take is us turning our fingers around and facing our own selfishness. Change starts from within and if we all started to really think about how our actions affect others and humanity as a whole a lot of modern day issues wouldn't exist. It's a pipe dream to think empathy and common sense could be the next epidemic but it's the desire for a better tomorrow that keeps that dream alive in me.