Thursday, July 9, 2015

Time is of the essence, choose your battles wisely!

As we develop in childhood thoughts of fairy tales of the life and timeline we should live are planted in our minds.  Growing up in the 80's there was still a sense of 1950's American values with girls being super girly, guys being super jocks, meeting your Prince in High School, going to prom together, going to college and then getting married. You buy a house and have 2 kids, work your butt off to go on a vacation each year and so on and so forth. The ideal life.  The rules for boys and girls still on the divide but being pushed for change. Movies like "Working Girl" and "9 to 5" showing young women that equality was on the horizon, if you continue to fight for it. The good hard working girl can have it all and men and women will be equals but then as life goes on you wonder but can we ever really be equals? How can we be equals, if we can't even be friends?   

Like the saying goes, Reality Bites!  There is one thing that will always be the road block for equality between man and woman and that is Sex!  When Harry turns to Sally and says "Men and Women can not be friends because the sex part always gets in the way!"  It's a fact! Sally says absolutely they can and in fact her and Harry will just be friends.... Fast forward to Sally and Harry in bed together. Its human nature. Why do we fight it?

I never wanted to believe it because as a young girl I was friends will so many guys but we were kids which means no sex which is why it was so easy.  Throughout my life I've tried to push this envelop in every which way, I've had great guy friends that were completely platonic but without fail, they find a girlfriend and suddenly it's frowned upon to go out with me solo. Why? because of sex!  It's simple. The girl whom my guy friend is having sex with said she's not comfortable with her boyfriend hanging out with a girl. So what happens to our friendship?  It becomes an acquaintance type relationship and I'm invited to group events where she is there. It's not because of anything other than its a better life choice for my guy friend to avoid the drama of trying to hang out solo.  

There comes a time in life where we realize how we want to spend our time. Do we want to spend it proving to our girlfriend who has self esteem issues and is jealous that we have every right to hang out with a girlfriend or do we pick our battles? 

We can choose to make our decisions based on our ideals of the world we wish we lived in or based on reality. When we choose reality we are not letting go of the change we want to see in the world, what we are doing is choosing to avoid the negative that comes with going against the reality of a situation. There is a time and place to prove your point and sometimes it's better to just be happy with what you are given.

Like me and my guy friends. Sure I miss our solo adventures and it's really not as much fun only seeing them at group events but we still have funny text sessions and I still get to see them. They are happy in their relationships and that is more important to me then making them prove some notion about men and women being friends. 

The fact that seems to always fall between the cracks is that Men and Woman have two completely different make ups both physically and mentally which means that the reality of the situation is that we will never be equal because we will always have different needs.  We can try our best to make things as fair as possible but it will never be perfect. The only thing we can do is  try to see the positive in every situation, push for change when the right opportunity arises and choose our battles wisely because we don't have that much time here and not everything has to be about proving a point. Remember, you're not losing your stance or ideals, if sometimes you choose to abide by the reality in life to avoid the drama of it! 

2013 - Me with a group of guys who will always be my friends- because they're all gay! Problem Solved! 

(*Ps. My best advice to the girls who can't grasp reality, get a gay bestie, they'll still want to play with your boobs but it's definetly a guy you can 100% just be friends with!)


  1. this is the best thing I've read on the subject since Laura Kipness

  2. I agree with 'pick-your-battles', however 'avoiding negativity' isn't likely: How many Lez-friendly, above-my-# beauties would I get if I took "No" seriously?