Friday, October 30, 2015

Sense of humor, where fore art thou!?

I feel like I've lost my sense of humor, kind of.  Well only with other people. I find myself unhappy when I have to deal with others but joyful happy go lucky alone. It's hard to be silly around people who do things that just aren't funny. I also use to indulge in making fun of others and now that I've expanded my mind with becoming more aware, that isn't really a source of humor anymore. I feel it's small minded. How easy is it to point out an overweight girl in booty shorts, it's her prerogative and the guy with the fungus feet, I just feel bad that nobody tells him or makes him watch a network sponsored by Lamisil. Those ads are everywhere.

I use to think that having a lot of friends meant that I was a like able person and it would validate me. No matter what, I could always rely on the fact that I had a lot of friends but the fact is I couldn't rely on my friends.  At least not like I thought you should be able to. You see I was born with the gift of empathy so I take everyone into consideration. I love making people feel special and I am the person that makes it happen. Horses delivered at midnight to a beach side wedding on a whim, it's done.  I can't be at a birthday in another state so I sent 10 orders of guacamole in my place. All of these things just to make others laugh. I reveled in it but somewhere along the line the lack of appreciation wore me down. I started to realized I wanted to do the things I was doing but just not for the ones I was doing it for.  Always bending over backwards for others and in any time of need always standing strong alone. Eventually feeling alone with hundreds of "friends",  I started to just pick these people apart. All of my friendships were one sided. I learned that friends I had for life were more interested in making money off of me, asking for unlimited favors or just looking for something to use as gossip.  So, I just stopped. I stopped just giving and started thinking of myself and what made me happy. The response was overwhelmingly negative. If I didn't find joy in something I wouldn't go and that's when I really started living my life. Only being around the people who really loved me not just the "things" that you get from having me in your life and those that were thoughtful.  This wasn't excluded from family. I have no obligations to anyone but me and if you're not adding joy to my life, then you're not going to be in it. Period. The go to girl for others was no more and neither was the fake love. I suddenly saw everyone for who they really are and I stopped laughing with them at my own expense.  I offer my kindness to strangers in brief exchanges of joy anywhere that I go so that I can have my humor back. 

I'm very funny, always silly laughing and hilarious situations always seem to find me. I'm happy within myself and it doesn't take me putting down others for me to find humor in life. So, if I'm jumping down your throat and not showering you with humor and kindness it's because I think you're the joke and how you behave or treat others isn't so funny. 

My favorite comedians are the ones that make you think, like George Carlin because when you really think about our world, economics, government, politics and life as we know it, it's so ridiculous, it should be the butt of our jokes because our mindless vanity inspired gossip hungry make fun of other people humor is contributing to the decline of humanity and that's not so funny. To me at least. These are some quotes I think are funny... 

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

A moment in time.

       Me and Louie at Physical Therapy

Yesterday at physical therapy I had notice this woman. She looked like a deer in the headlights the entire time the therapist was working on her. I sensed something off in her energy.  As we were leaving my instinct blurted out. 

"You're seeing the best in the business"

"I am?" She asked as her eyes lit up! 

"I drive 50 miles round trip from Sherman Oaks to come here, whom ever referred you, really cares about you" I said

She continued to tell me that she had back surgery and had crazy symptoms and now has vertigo but the vertigo pill gave her every symptom. She couldn't believe that she was having random swelling all over her body. One morning she is fine the next her ankles are so swollen and painful. She had no idea surgery would have this affect on her. There is no way she could have. 

My first hip surgery, the recovery was a breeze with regards to me walking but not so much the second time. It's always different, every time and for every one.  

As her eyes began to well up, I said "you're not alone, I have crazy symptoms too and I feel crazy half the time having to tell them what's going on"

She too knows what it's like to have to keep moving because once you stop the pain sets in and that's all you can feel, hear or think. Pain. It's hard, especially at night. 

I told her how I don't take any pain meds and she was in shock. She said she couldn't imagine living through this without them. 

I suggested Marijuana and it was like I was talking to a wall. She's uneducated about it and lived through Nancy Reagan's say not to drugs. I'm use to this. I softly gave her multiple holistic nutrition suggestions and described some of the different ways she could utilize marijuana. I got her wheels spinning. That's the goal. Provoking positive thought to solve our health issues as natural as possible. 

I told her to read my blog because I've written many a post on the craziness of recovering from major surgery.  (If you're reading this, Hi, I hope you slept well last night) 

She thanked me and walked away without the energy, fear, she was carrying before. 

This moment is what life is about to me. Being human, helping and caring about someone you don't even know because this moment in time can make a difference in their life. It made my day. 

Monday, October 26, 2015

"Eat Well Live Well: Transitioning to an Unprocessed Lifestyle" Available on Amazon

Through my experiences in life I have found the path with my nutrition that is leading me to create a lifestyle that I can "live" with.  My journey is not complete and I have a long way to go but I know I'm headed in the right direction:

A note from the Author: 

"After succeeding to achieve my “dream body” by having every eating disorder, going from fad diet to fad diet, “clean eating" and over training, it wasn't until I was struck by a car while riding my bike, that my real nutrition journey began. The physical disabilities and internal affects of the accident left me unable to rely on my old habits and tricks of the fitness world. As I slowly learned the affects that the foods I was eating and drinking had on my mobility, inflammation, mental well being and all around general health, I started to really learn how to eat to feed my body for optimum health. Once I learned how to eat properly, my body started to reshape itself and I could no longer deny what I already knew, everything I ever learned about fitness, nutrition and health was not correct. This lifestyle will teach you how to eat and feed your body so that 80% of your food is for your health and 20% is to fully enjoy all the pleasures this world has for your palette, guilt free. By learning how to eat instead of following a rigid “diet” , we take control over our decisions and put our health back into our own hands, without any excuses except you want to live a long and healthy life. You can’t control everything around you but you can control what you eat, your health and your lifestyle!” 

Amy Michelle 
Live Well ~ Love Much~Laugh Often

The book is available at the link below

Human DNA in Hot Dogs is the least of your unknown cannibalism....

Here's an article causing horror in people who eat hot dogs! They found human DNA in them. 

Where I'm at: 

While doing some ingredient label research, I found out that "natural flavors" / flavor enhancers are typically made from human cells. 

These are the patents for some of the natural flavors you eat.....

 I'm still researching but I'm starting to believe the reason why you can't eat just one chip is because of the chemical reaction in your brain to those natural flavors which may also contribute to continual poor food choices which could probably be causing obesity and permanent disordered eating habits, especially in children.  It's mind control. Through your food.  This article doesn't surprise me. Your FDA thinks it's ok to let you eat a lot of things you wouldn't if you educated yourself. The more you know. 

Riding around Costco reading labels eating sulfur free dried mango 

Saturday, October 24, 2015


I have an issue with time and my time being respected. I personally run about 7-14 minutes late. I'm serious. Then when I became physically disabled that time increased and really became something I had to pay attention to. 

It takes me longer to get dressed, walk down the stairs, get into the car, and I'm just fucked if I forget something upstairs. I might as well not go at all, I'll be so late. Even though mentally I still think like the girl who can just sprint from the end of the parking lot to cut time to get there, I am not her at the moment. Keep in mind my natural tendency is to use my time for all its worth. I always have something to do. Hence the 7-14 minute tardiness margin. On the line of being respectful of people's time and still squeezing every second out of my time. 

At first with having the physical disabilities, time was really hard to manage. I'm not realistic at all with my abilities. Giving myself the time I need to get to places and working with my natural tendencies became my focus. I couldn't move faster but I did figured out how to use my time better and plan ahead. I couldn't handle seeing the affects that my tardiness has on other people. I had to just admit that a quick trip to the market is always a 45 minute ordeal for the moment. It's made me realize how much my old time habits may have ruined other people's days.  My perspective of time on all accounts is completely different. I've realized it's our most prized possession.  

I still struggle from time to time with getting to places on time and it truly affects me when I am late but I know I'm trying my best, considering it all. 

It also affects me when others change the plans.  I have to plan out my days so that I take care of my recovery and make sure I have time.  If I don't I won't get better and I wouldn't have time for any joy in life.   I think that's why when people don't respect my time it hurts my feelings because I don't think they realize I have to put in 3 times the effort and really plan out my time to make sure our plans work out.  The constant lack of respect for my time is really driving me to be less social because usually it's not worth my time.  I figure I could have been doing something productive towards my health instead. 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Facebook commenting. Screen grabs.

I often comment on Facebook articles. Sometimes I'm really well spoken and sometimes not. 

Today there was an article about the top 10 issues a sex marriage councilor sees. I have the solution to all the issues.  Check it out. 

Yesterday there was a horrid article written by a new mother directed at people who don't have children who should be more understanding to how miserable she is since having kids. Here's my reaction: 

In a country like America where the slogan is land of the free, apparently everyone has forgot it includes their minds. Be Free from social stigma so you can be happy. 

Friday, October 16, 2015

Our country makes me sad.

This picture destroys me. It's the state of our union. We, Americans, are the victims of our own government and capitalism. Freedom has a fee. Keeping us fat (processed foods, chemicals, meat industry, dairy industry, marketing, advertising) , sick (pharmaceutical industry, Insurance industry, cancer, obesity, heart disease, nuclear testing) and lazy (fitness industry, fast foods, food delivery, super size culture, technology) Read your labels and be an educated person. It's not about political parties it's about being human and being treated as someone whose life matters not just a
pawn in a moneymaking scheme. There is no money in cures and that's just one of our biggest problem. Luckily we don't need a cure for most of the problems, we just need to stand up against the cause. 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

16 years ago I was addicted to Meth.

When I was 14 years old, I had just started school at a prestigious Catholic College Prep. I was actually sought after by their music department because of how gifted I am at saxophone. The summer before school started, I spent at fat camp instead of band camp. I went from 207 lbs down to 185 lbs and was feeling great about myself until I got to school. I wanted to play basketball but my self esteem had taken a turn for the worse with my new weightloss. I was too intimidated by the height of the other girls and their level of physical fitness so I stuck to the band and drama even though I loved sports more.  The pressures to continue to lose weight were all around me. School, advertisements, the media, the trends and my family.  I was doing everything I knew how to do but it was so slow. 
At this point in my life, I was anti smoking and had only gotten a little tipsy off of whiskey, once.  A girl whom I had become friends with confided in me one day, when I complained about always watching what I eat. She said that an upper classman introduced her to this stuff called Crystal and it made things a lot easier. She continued to tell me that in her 2 weeks of using it she could get all her school work done, had a ton of energy and was barely ever hungry. She had lost 12 pounds as well.  There it was the solution to everything I had ever struggled with and in an instant, I wanted to try it. She linked me up with this chick who her friend got it from. We met in a secluded bathroom at school and I bought $20 worth. She cut up two lines and she went first. It was then my turn. I did it. I was hooked. 
I'm not joking. I loved it. I had endless energy, was barely hungry, loosing weight like rabid fire. It was incredible. I spent five years doing it and had many a great adventure but also put myself in situations like eventually getting kicked out of my house because of it, living on the streets and nearly lost my life.  I went to rehab at 19 after an incident at the motel I was living at shook me to my core. I went to a government funded rehab through the system and it worked . It worked because I wanted it to and I didn't take my chance for granted. My parents didn't make it easy for me and I had to go through social services and work very hard to fix every mess I made along the way. My councilor at rehab looked at me after our first meeting and said, "you don't have a drug problem my dear, you have an eating disorder" Throughout my rehab she wouldn't let me dance with my problems, she gave me the tools to solve them. She wouldn't let me become addicted to rehab and told me to look around any room I sat in at rehab and decide whose future looked good and the answer was, nobody. She said to ask myself if I wanted to spend my life fighting to get out of rehab or if I wanted to end the fight and move on with my life.  10 days after I graduated from rehab, at 19 years old, weighing 224lbs and full of life, I was hired to work in the mailroom at dick Clark productions and moved on with my life.... 

I worked my way up to be director of 2 department. Here's I am at 25 years old, 128 pounds, with Dick Clark on my last day before leaving for a position at Image Entertainment.  And Oct 13, 1999 is the last day I ever touched it. 

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Politics. We are all suckers

Hmmm politics are interesting. Republicans bash each other during and after the debate to fight for who will do a better job on the issues and during the democratic debate all the democrats on Facebook do is bash the republicans who aren't at their debate. The biggest victims are the public as a whole because your rights aren't given to you based on the party you support. And furthermore all those politicians care about is their own agenda that they won't ever tell you the truth about. Our entire government is not based on our well being it's about the shift of money that will make which ever party is in control have the ability to give their industries favoritism. That's all. It's local government that actually affects us personally. Anyways, people should get over the stereotypical party bashing because both parties are the same just a different focus to their evil. Ahhh government and capitalism. Ever amusing. 

Monday, October 12, 2015

My chemical cookie.

While trying to recover from my accident I started to notice the chemicals in the foods were affecting my inflammation and mobility but the thing I notice last was simply the most shocking revelation. For years I had suffered from over eating, binge eating which eventually lead to major eating disorders. I have done so much emotional work to get to the root of my problems and tendencies. I did the emotional work for the eating disorders not only for my own well being but in my mind there is no way, should I have children that my child should ever suffer from disordered eating because of me. Emotionally I'm very in tune. I handle myself very well and understand my emotional triggers. I work daily on areas I think I could handle better and am really conscious about everything. Then low and behold I've stumbled on what I believe is at the root of the problem. CHEMICALS. 
When I eat whole natural foods without any chemicals, I have no real food cravings, I am satisfied and emotionally sound.  
Recently I went on a cruise and wrote to them to have my dietary and nutritional needs met. They delivered chemical free natural organic fruit and cold pressed juices to my room every morning. Leafy greens, beans and veggies at my beacon call. At any restaurant I went to on the ship they delivered handmade vegan pasta and fresh steamed veggies for my dinner. I did go to a chefs tasting and had no problem because everything was made fresh and organic plus they told you what was in everything so I could make an educated decision and they didn't use chemicals to enhance the flavors of the foods or to preserve them. 
After the tasting since I didn't have an adverse reaction two days later I decided I wanted a big chocolate chip cookie. I'm on vacation, I can live a little. Normally my treats come from a my kitchen or a responsible vender I trust. This was just your run of the mill cruise ship pastry stop with "store bought" type treats. I got my cookie and was cruising around on my scooter eating it. Within a minute of the first bite thoughts of needing 500 more cookies started to form and then I start listing all the amazing deserts at the buffet and start thinking since I already had this one cookie I need to eat the ship. I have not had these thoughts in almost 2 years. It was like mind control and I was helpless. I found myself at the buffet ready to eat everything in site BUT I didn't. I recognized this wasn't me. What was it that made this fitness enthusiast, non munchie eating medical marijuana patient and seemingly controlled holistic nutritionist to loose her mind and want to binge and purge. 
There seems to be only one explanation, it has to be the way that my brain reacts to the chemicals in the cookie. 
I've been doing a lot of research and I'm not at the point where I can firmly pinpoint the Chemical but many of my findings have produced evidence that "natural flavors" which are listed as such in the ingredients is actually biochemically engineered from human embryo cells to make the brain have a chemical reaction to increase the flavor of what you're eating. 
I'm doing some research and once I can be certain I will share. But this is what I got so far. 

My food delivery each morning on the cruise....

Want vs Need

As I read stories in the news and see the status updates on Facebook, it's apparent that our biggest problem in today's society is that people no longer know the difference between want verses need. 
I recently got into a heated debate over IVF (in vitro fertilization) because my stand point is that we are wasting valuable research money on fertility when having your own biological child is a want not a need. I also think that spending 100's of thousands of dollars in having our own biological Children when clearly there is a reason you can't conceive (DNA, evolution, genetic disease) and we have plenty of orphans is ridiculous but that's not the point I'm trying to make. Once I realized the person I was debating with was pregnant with a child I'm almost certain was conceived through IVF, I decided that stressing out a pregnant women and potentially affecting her fetus wasn't worth me totally pounding her into the ground with my point and leaving her emotionally destroyed. I actually think about others even in a debate.  Plus I would have played dirty and said that if she is eating chemicals while pregnant she's already commiting child abuse, which is a whole other rant for another post. 
Here is my point: There are people and children who are currently alive who have no homes (adoption) and who were born with major birth defects or have had a major accident that has left them incapable of caring for themselves (need). The money spent on fertility (want), obesity (man made disease) and heart disease (man made disease) should be spent on real medical issues (ms, paralyzation, Parkinson's, asthma, blindness, deafness etc) that affect a persons ability to feed themselves or even know who they are or you are half the time and even wipe their own ass let alone get to a bathroom themselves (all needs). These are only simple examples, you can't imagine their hardships. I see these people at physical therapy and doctors offices.   There is no way on earth you can convince me that spending money to figure out how Bob and Bunny can have the child they want, can in any way be compared to the importance in figuring out how to get Bobby born with a paralyzing birth defect
the ability to feed and take care of himself. Anyone who can think they can find a qualifying defense is part of the problem or carrying it in their utterous. I don't begrudge anyone who has partaken in IVF the happiness of having your own child but don't go around acting like infertility is a real problem when it's a luxury problem. I have no issue with people speaking of how heart wrenching it is to not get what you want in terms of ease of getting pregnant or the time it took, miscarriages and all the suffering you went through but please don't act like what you overcame was something you needed to survive because it's simply something you wanted in your life that you couldn't get easily. Have a little more perspective on people with real medical conditions who need to figure out ways daily to accommodate their needs while you complain and struggle with your wants. If we could all take a minute to think first about how many people really suffer and really live a life trying to just cover their needs maybe we can have a little more perspective and tact on how we are handling not getting our wants. 

Side note: Right now I would like to walk full time without a crutch but there is no way I can compare my hardship of being disabled the last 2 1/2 years with anyone who has any of the diseases/conditions I mentioned. I can clearly recognize that I want to be pain free, cure my autonomic neuropathy, turn my neck, walk unassisted and stop the spasms but I can live and survive with a lot of extra effort while others are far worse off than me. 

Friday, October 9, 2015

The grass over there is always brown.

Every time I ever have a whoa is me moment during my recovery something is shoved right in my face to make me change my perception.  On my recent cruise, I had gone for two days kinda shuffling slowly unassisted and from that I was sent not back to being with a crutch but to needing the electric scooter to get around.  I had just finished 3 hours of my therapy and was icing on a lounge very bummed that I couldn't go jet skiing, ziplining, rock climbing or basically do anything I live for doing. As I placed a huge bag of ice on my hip and leg the woman next to me give a chuckle from reading her book.  I turned to her and simply asked her " How are you?"  She turned and said "I'm just happy to be on vacation".

She explained that she and her husband had been planning this trip for 10 months and tried to go to a private beach on a tour that they planned only to discover that the entire beach and shoreline was over run by seaweed.  There was really no place to sit or even swim so they sucked up the loss and came back to the ship.  I was sympathetic and said I was sorry it ruined her day.  She told me that nothing could ever ruin her day.  She explained that her 28 year old son had an awful accident when he was 19.  He had received a full college scholarship with many job offers in aerospace engineering after he graduated and they were visiting him at college.  They were all avid skiers and decided to ski for the day.  She described the accident so simply.  He went over a little bump on the side of the run that sent him flying into the air where he eventually landed on his neck.

As the ski patrol was taking him away he told her, "I broke my neck, I know it"

He has been paralyzed from the neck down ever since.  He can lift his forearms up but can not put them back down, and that's the extent of his mobility.  He redesigned their house to accommodate his needs and is very active in the city council but he does need constant help to do everything.  She explained that the most exciting part of their trip was that they would both be able to sleep through the night without having to get up to move his position.  Every night for 9 years with a small vacation here and there, these selfless parents get up to reposition their helpless son as he sleeps.

I hated every minute of the hopelessness I heard in her voice but gave her as much positivity and love as I could find in me to make sure she walked away from our conversation feeling like the everyday selfless hero that she is.

It can always be worse.  Always.  So, why not be happy with what you got.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

We hold the power to our happiness.

With every action causing a reaction. It's very easy to change the outcome of most situations. All it takes is stepping back from ourselves for a moment and observing the world outside our own mind for literally a second. This takes us to a different perception of situations. When I recently rented a car, the line was getting really long and each counter agent was taking forever with every renter. The people in line started to grumble about the agents incompetence with jabs about the ease of job going down the line. 
Being on crutches and having to walk very very slowly, has forced this high energy, I want it now girl, to take advantage of my time. Instead of letting that negative energy, primarily from impatience, feed me to react with the need to rush the uncontrollable and get bothered, I just keenly observed every situation around me. 
One counter agent couldn't find a reservation in the system, while another was having trouble with a Spanish speaking family not understanding what she needed and a third agent was desperately trying to rush the man with a million questions. Every person just trying to get from A to B, not maliciously trying to make people wait in a line or being shitty at their job and not caring. Just trying to get from A to B. 
So I turned to the loudest complainers and said hey, check it out; and pointed out what was going on in each situation with a little funny observation. The positivity and understanding spread like wildfire. The mood changed just like that. 
I commended the counter agents when it was my turn and really had a great experience, renting a car, in a packed terminal at 7:30 am and all because I wanted to.  
I like life a lot better this way. It's a bigger kind of thoughtful. I'm going to keep trying it. 


Wednesday, October 7, 2015

I love me but I know I'm weird to you.

Written September 20, 2015 

I'm on "vacation" right now in Florida with my mother. If we're being honest, I'm not actually relaxing at all. I'm spending most of my time doing my physical therapy, icing, soaking and doing everything to combat my swelling. I insisted my mom come with me to spend a few days with me at our house in Boca Raton. I thought it would be fun to create great memories with my mother at a place I have bad memories from when my grandparents lived here. I'm very sentimental and always think to myself "with a little effort Amy, you create a memory to last beyond the people in it". I know one day I won't have my mom so I try to make sure we do things that are special but the problem is that we are so different. I need to keep moving with activities I can do because the second I stop I will usually be out for the count. I can't go walking around a mall or from shop to shop because walking is my hardest task right now. I wish it weren't so.  It's hard to tell people that I have to spend 3 hrs getting myself ready to be able to have 4 hours of action.  People aren't usually with me the entire day so I can give off the perception I'm doing much better than I am. People, including myself, forget that I have disabilities at the moment. It's hard for people to relate to and it's even harder for me to relay.  

J E L L... Hell NO... Don't eat that shit!

I'm not even going to lecture you. Just look up what those ingredients are that make up Jello and decide if that's something you would choose to eat again. Instead of eating poison, here's a little something more delicious that actually has nutritional value for you!!! I introduce you to the fabulous ...
Persimmon Gello.... 

Ingredients: Persimmons with a pinch of clove, nutmeg, cinnamon and Vanilla 

Wash and Cut Persimmons 
Place Ingredients in Blender, Food processor, Nutribullet...anything that's Blends and Blend them together 
Pour into refrigerator safe dish and let set or eat immediately. 


Thank me later! 

My deodorant dilemma.

To me it's clear as day what a lot of the cause and affects are, that are happening to people.  It makes perfect sense to me that people raised in areas with nuclear testing and high levels of radiation seem to all develop weird forms of cancer. It seems perfectly reasonable to then be curious about the chemicals in deodorants. To me it's more evident than not that a contributing factor to cancer in woman is from us putting deodorant on near our lymph nodes and breasts.  I'm not certain it is the actual cause but it may just create the environment for cancer to grow or maybe it's because I'm not conclusive with facts and stats in hand that I won't confirm the belief 100% but it's the fear in me that puts me in a great dilemma. What's more important, smelling fresh by using chemical filled deodorants that could potentially kill me or smelling of a faint curry BO while using organic deodorants?  I just don't know what do to...

               currently... Curry. 

Being Blunt!

Here's a great Article on why your best friend is your blunt friend!  

This is Me! Most people can't handle the truth of who they are and what they're doing. When you love your entire being, faults and imperfections... You're blunt and life is happier.. Try it! 

Here's me smoking a blunt: 

Monday, October 5, 2015

Gun control and Stuff. 2cents. For what it's worth...

When your man looks at me, I'm the bad girl because of my outfit when the problem is your mans wondering eyes. When someone kills with a gun, the guns are bad guys but the real issues at the root that cause the Violence still exist. Neither actual issue is solved.  We always dance with the problems instead of admitting emotionally and mentally we are failing as a society, let's make real changes to help us emotionally grow. Obesity, sexual deviance and violence are emotional issues. Race and sexuality must finally be excluded because all of it, it's a HUMAN epidemic. #mentalhealth