Then he starts gushing, "You're so hot and so funny, you're why I stayed on that app, I can't wait to meet you. I want to see you tonight" I said "Awesome, what time tonight?" He answers "I'll call you in a few." I text again a friendly "hey you!?"
Doesn't call but texts at 9 he's "at guitar center with band right now, what are you doing?" I've been waiting to hear a time to hang out since 6 because that's how I am. You're a date. If I agree to a date with you, I make myself available. So, I basically blow it off as a fluke to give him a chance and still talk to the guy. I probably should have just cut it there. My gut said red flag but my mind called me judgemental and petty. Give him a chance. He even acknowledged he messed up.
Next day he asks me out early in the day and when I ask to elaborate he suggests hot tub to which I say no, I'm looking for an experience with you to get to know you. Since he can't be creative, I plan for us to meet at a fun place for a night of air hockey, ping ping and to be silly, each brining a brown bagged drink like high school. Mind you, I'm still on crutches. Regardless, I like to create fun experiences. I text I'm on my way, we are suppose to meet at 8 and he calls to say his "session" ran late and oh by the way he can't drive, it's a long story but he can still meet me. Call me crazy but when someone texts earlier saying "they're getting ready, see you there" You think that means we are on for 8.
I said that I wanted to cancel. He pleads a weak case but talks of things like holistic nutrition and music that capture my passion. Hopeless romantics bleeding heart. I agree to go pick him up. He tells me directions to his cross streets. Those streets don't cross. I call for his address and he won't tell me. Tells me to wait at the stop sign he will be right there. My gut is screaming run. After a car comes and I have to pull over and no sign of this dude, I turn around and drive off. The guy calls and my whimsical usual self is gone. I'm straight and direct. "Dude, if you want to date me get your shit together. Pick a time and a place and be there, this is bullshit". He precedes to text me that's he's thankful I saved him from dealing with a person with no patience. I tell him that he has wasted my time and has no mindfulness for anyone's time and that I have patience for respect and he has showed me none. I wished him well on his ventures. He continued to text that i wasted my own time and I wasn't a nice person.
What!? This seems to be the rotation that continually happens to me and other great people I know. How am I not a nice person? It always seems to be that when you create boundaries for how you want to be treated and what you will allow in your life; people want to drag you across them like you're evil. It's not fair that I sit up tonight thinking, am I not a nice person? Maybe it's the fact that it bothers me, that it would keep me up that makes me know that I am. I am nice and loving and wonderful when I feel respected. The most valuable thing in my life is time. If I give you my time it means I'm taking it away from something else that is precious to me. I don't sit around and do nothing in my recovery, I make every minute count because it does. So, maybe the way I articulate the facts of situations rubs people the wrong way, maybe my intolerance for that which I know irritates me makes the people who irritate me think I'm mean but at the end of the day, it's usually the person on the other side of the behavior I call out that goes straight to insulting my person. In my world actions speak louder than words. I am constantly asked why I'm single and the reason is simple. I am really happy alone and really happy with who I am as a person and I will only commit myself and give of myself to a person who adds more joy to my life than irritation. Someone who knows a little respect and mindfulness goes a long way. I am an experience to be had and you only get it if you come correct. So, yes, I may get stuck in my head making sure I'm nice and I may go from hot to cold very fast but I know that I treat others with kindness, love and respect and if you don't think highly of me, it's most likely your problem. Not mine.
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