Tuesday, August 18, 2015

How was your day dear? My day, well....

By 12:15pm on Tuesday my day has gone like this.  I woke up to a message from a yelper named Brooklyn C. whose subject line was....

Nothing puts a spring in a girls step more than being threatened with rape.  What kind of human being could even think about doing something like that to another person but then to have the audacity to type it in a message!? Well, thats the type of breed that scares the bejesus out of me. These people live amongst us. Scary! Plus, it's yelp, he can see where I've been, thats a little too real for my taste.

I then try to get moving and crutch myself to pool physical therapy which let me tell you, i'm ready for this all to be over with but nothing I can do.  I work on my walking which is a type of pain I can't even describe. I ice and have nerve stimulation.  As I'm leaving therapy and I struggle to get into my car, I look at the handicap placard form I've been carrying around trying to avoid admitting I need but seriously, I'm handicapped, at least for now. At this point, I must admit I need the help and that this isn't giving in but this is loving myself enough to know I need it... as I'm waiting for my number to be called at the DMV,  the woman whom i moved a seat for so she could be next to her daughter and grandson, is horseplaying and sends the screw on my own crutch jarring into my incision area... son of a bitch...a sign things can always be worse!?  So just be patient.  But alas, I've accepted my place and time in my life. Handicapped. Temporarily.  I'm hoping.

I get home to the elation of my two adorable dogs, Little Louie and Violet.  I use their walk as an opportunity to practice putting full pressure on my hip while trying to walk with no limp or pain. This is harder than any standardize testing, PE class mile, diet, pretty much anything i've ever done pales in comparison to how hard it is for me to walk normal with pressure on my hip. I practice my walking sans crutch, which is a snail's pace and my little angels are pulling but I'm staying slow, steady and strong.  An SUV had circled the cul de sac and suddenly pulled over while I was exiting my community.  I paid no mind until my snail's pace finally brought me face to face with his passenger side window and a young man with tissue in hand pulling up his pants, staring me straight in the eye. This man saw me, pulled over and as I practiced my walking, he jerked off to me and then he needed to make sure that I saw he did it.   I looked away with a yelp and a neighbor on a balcony high above yelled, "what happened?"  As I pointed at the car and yelled this dude just jerked of to me, the guy honked as he sped off.

What can you do? The only thing you can do.... I laugh it off.  I guess. Sadly, it's happened before. Still so horrifying.  But not shocking, which is the part of all of it that makes me sad.  Sad that a stranger would hold no restraint to write that he wants to sexually violate me and even sadder that we are not even safe to walk the streets without a jerk off jerking off.  I'm a strong girl but I feel horrible for their next victim or even the fact that anyone has to be a victim.  Its helplessness at its purist form. Nothing you can do and nothing can be done to undo it or prevent it from happening again.

I honestly don't know what the point of this post is.  I guess with how hard i've fought the last two years to be able to walk, let alone enjoy the wonders of the world and all the amazing adventures that are left to be had, it's really really disappointing that people would rather be doing harm to others than enjoying all the gifts this earth has for us. It stirs resentment in me.  I would give anything to be off exploring which is why I give everything I do my everything.

I could sit and be angry for the clear sense of violation from everything I experienced today, and turn it outwards because someone has to pay or instead, I do what I always do, I turn around and give even more kindness and love to the world around me.  I like to think to make these things right, if every time we are wronged by behavior we turned around and gave love and kindness two fold into the world, so in essence,  my two rights would cross out a wrong!

Wishful thinking and a steady practice......

... Live Love Laugh ... Seriously.

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