Saturday, October 24, 2015


I have an issue with time and my time being respected. I personally run about 7-14 minutes late. I'm serious. Then when I became physically disabled that time increased and really became something I had to pay attention to. 

It takes me longer to get dressed, walk down the stairs, get into the car, and I'm just fucked if I forget something upstairs. I might as well not go at all, I'll be so late. Even though mentally I still think like the girl who can just sprint from the end of the parking lot to cut time to get there, I am not her at the moment. Keep in mind my natural tendency is to use my time for all its worth. I always have something to do. Hence the 7-14 minute tardiness margin. On the line of being respectful of people's time and still squeezing every second out of my time. 

At first with having the physical disabilities, time was really hard to manage. I'm not realistic at all with my abilities. Giving myself the time I need to get to places and working with my natural tendencies became my focus. I couldn't move faster but I did figured out how to use my time better and plan ahead. I couldn't handle seeing the affects that my tardiness has on other people. I had to just admit that a quick trip to the market is always a 45 minute ordeal for the moment. It's made me realize how much my old time habits may have ruined other people's days.  My perspective of time on all accounts is completely different. I've realized it's our most prized possession.  

I still struggle from time to time with getting to places on time and it truly affects me when I am late but I know I'm trying my best, considering it all. 

It also affects me when others change the plans.  I have to plan out my days so that I take care of my recovery and make sure I have time.  If I don't I won't get better and I wouldn't have time for any joy in life.   I think that's why when people don't respect my time it hurts my feelings because I don't think they realize I have to put in 3 times the effort and really plan out my time to make sure our plans work out.  The constant lack of respect for my time is really driving me to be less social because usually it's not worth my time.  I figure I could have been doing something productive towards my health instead. 

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