Grown up decisions with Amy Michelle

This morning I was faced with a situation I know all too well: Do I walk the dogs or masturbate!?

Very grown up and tough decision; you see because I seem to always put myself in this situation.  I know I need my morning "riseNshine-gasm" first thing but HELLO it's 2015 and my social media sites and informational sources all need a checkin'.   It would be totally acceptable, IF I was just "checkin" and not engaging.  Now, what should have only taken 15 minutes, has me lying in bed pushing back and even furthering the time i'm allotted in the morning by Violet and Little Louie to mix in petting, phone play and masturbation before they seriously need to go out.  Today I pushed it to the max, which I can't say I don't always do and here they are staring at me and Violet made her little whimper that it's time.

The Happy Seat 

Pee Pee Party

THE CONTENDERS

  

I sit there dildo in hand with the grown up decision:  Do I have my "riseNshine-gasm" with two dogs kinda watching or get up to walk the dogs....

GROWN UP -  FUUUUCK MEEEEEEE... (ugh, maybe probably definitely... later)

Things that annoy me about recovery....

staying positive right after hip surgery
(Unbelievable amount of Pain)

Its been 21 months since I got hit by a car while riding my bike and even saying it like that makes me feel annoying, you know, like parents saying how old there kid is.  
21 months.... Fucking annoying! I do that to remind myself that it hasn't been THAT long and I should be easier on myself.  It's also so embarrassing and tiresome to explain that I still suffer excruciating pains and symptoms that aren't going away, even after hip surgery.  It's very mentally exhausting when people ask you every day, "how you feeling?" with the hopes in their tone that you just say great but the truth is; I feel like I'm trapped in physical groundhogs day where nothing is getting better and I keep getting poked and prodded.  

staying positive icing my arms, elbows and chest
MAJOR PAIN

I need to stay positive not only for myself but for the people around me because It feels like everyones just tired of hearing about it and they're ready for it to be over, with me back to normal. Me too, me too!!! The sad truth is that there are so many things that I just don't want to tell people because its the hard truth of my reality and I'm not looking for sympathy or their input for solutions. For all of those who suffer silently and feel like nobody can relate I'm going to talk about it all in hopes that others who can relate to my experiences find some peace that they are not alone.   

When I sit across from you at a restaurant smiling and fidgeting like nobodies business, the truth is that I smile so I don't wince and I move around so the pain can't fully sink in. I try not to tell you about it because I need you to be funny and silly and yourself because you're my outlet to act happy and fun, inspite of it.  Being with you is an escape from the pain mentally even though its always present.  Other things you don't know are I have to use my hand to help my leg uncross when my leg doesn't get the message from my brain. I use my right leg to lift my left leg when I get into my car. My leg drops when I walk and I trip a lot.  My left leg has a constant "tick" and spasms 24 hours a day.  My hands will just drop what I'm holding because my hands stop feeling and don't realize they're holding something. My leg doesn't get the right message from my brain and will slam into something instead of passing by it like I intended to do, I can't go up or down the stairs

 being positive on crutches at the bowl
(still in pain)

without using the handrail for stability and for a little momentum. I need to hold on to the wall when I shower so I don't fall.  It feels like a laser is always shooting a beam from my crotch to my thigh then to my calf and out of the bottom of my foot. It feels like a knife has been lodged into my shoulder blades and is there to stay. I have to turn my entire body to look over my right shoulder.  I'm always asking people to make plans with me that involve a mild hike or something physical and they all say I shouldn't be doing it when the reality is that it's torture for me to have to sit still or to sit for any period of time longer than 30-40 minutes. The pain starts to set in deeper and once its set in, the rest of my day becomes about finding even more ways to cope without taking pharmaceuticals, which would be the easy way to feeling nothing and never healing. So, I try to just keep moving which I believe is the key to staying positive and motivated during a time when I could just give up and give in to sitting around and doing nothing but sulk in my reality. No thanks, thats annoying to even think about, which is what everyone thinks I should be like.  I should stop all activities and lay down and rest.   It's not going to make me better people, so stop suggesting it.  I know when I need to rest and I dose myself with 4000 mg of edible THC and sleep for 10 - 14 hours at a time.  It's the only way for me to truly rest.

Staying Positive - stretching
in the hot tub 

Strapped to the cool therapy machine

There are days when the only way I can stop the burning in my leg is if I spend hours in hot water or hours strapped to my cool therapy ice machine.  Some days I will spend 6 hours sitting in the hot tub so that I can have enough relief to actually study, write a blog, answer emails and give my mind a little break. At pool therapy I always say I wish that the world was one big hot therapy pool so I could walk through life with comfort and ease.  A girl can dream.

The hardest part for people to grasp is that my pain is constant.  When I go for a massage, of course it feels good but in the background of the good is this constant throbbing, numbness, sharp and heavy feelings in my neck, shoulders, back, hip, legs and spine.  It never stops.  Ever.  Like never ever. Certain activities can aggravate it by adding maybe a point or two to my pain scale but over all the pain is there regardless.

 being positive relearning how to lift my leg
(still in pain)

I am constantly lectured by every person that I shouldn't be doing any physical activities.   As if I should be on bed rest so my entire body can get weak and I could be in a more ultimate version of my painful hell.  I know that I can't go to a gym and workout with a trainer, do crossfit, sit and work at a desk for hours, go running or do major impact activities anymore or should I say until I am further diagnosed, treated and fully healed from this accident.  That doesn't mean that I shouldn't still keep my body strong and work out. I attribute the strength and otherwise good health I have to my holistic nutrition, meditations/sub conscious exercises and Cardio Barre workouts.  I truly believe Cardio Barre is the ultimate workout for people in recovery. You can work isolated muscles with zero impact and can skip movements or make modifications to accommodate your physical abilities which is key to safe physical therapy. If you don't use it you lose it and if you don't feel you won't heal.   I've tried yoga and pilates during my recovery and sorry folks, they're both dangerous and impactful to my body so you can stop pushing that on me because its annoying.  I've found the one activity that makes me actually feel better in my recovery and not worse which is the point.  To find activities that make me feel alive and better during a time when I constantly feel

Cardio Barre working on lifting my leg
(still in pain)

pain.  I know everyone just wants what's best for me but unless you know what I feel, your advice or shaming my choices doesn't help.  I don't mean to be a bitch about it but its hard enough dealing with pain without pills and then to be lectured like I'm doing things to hurt myself doesn't help with my mental strength and stability. All of my doctors and health care professionals have given me their approval to do Cardio Barre and have even said that structurally I can do any activity so long as it doesn't increase my pain by more than 2 points and thats the rule of thumb for me.  Being scolded for being active almost makes me just not want to share my painful reality with people. I'm damned if I do and would be damned worse if I didn't.  So, just support me and love me and know that everything I do is to help me get better.

Staying positive - 14th Injection
 (still in pain)

I am very astute when I go to my doctors appointments and to physical therapy.  I ask a lot of people what meds they are on, what kind of diet they have, if they do anything physical in everyday life and how long they've been in recovery.  90% of the people I meet have been on the pain meds for years, are overweight, in miserable moods, have multiple other medical conditions and do nothing physical in their everyday lives because "they're in too much pain".  They're on pain meds and in too much pain? If these people would have kept their bodies moving, didn't take pain meds and ate holistically they wouldn't still be in that pool 9 years after their accidents.

Staying Positive trying to ride a bike again
(still in pain)

I know that it's going to take time for all of the injuries I have to work themselves out and heal.  I know that I will have some physical disabilities for the rest of my life because a 3000 pound vehicle hit my bare body, its reality.  I know that because I don't lay around and wallow in my pain and instead work through it and inspite of it, that I am setting myself up to be even healthier and even stronger after having to overcome the worst of circumstances.  It's annoying to have to tell people you hurt or let them see it first hand.  Its even more annoying to be lectured by people on how you should behave as you heal.  Instead of developing all of the side affects and further ailments I see running rampant, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing because all else aside, I have a positive outlook through doing positive activities and a smile on my face because I put it there and no amount of pain or disabilities will take any of that away from me.  I know, it's annoying! 

Staying positive - walking the dogs with my parents
(still in pain)

True Stories with Amy Michelle....

Petite Syrah and Jejeune 2010 ~ thanks for letting me clean up your shit... Miss you, RIP until I get there! 

So, this one time my townhouse homeowners association tried to fine me $100 claiming that someone reported that I do not clean up after my dogs in the common area of the community.   Now, just to paint the picture a little bit; I was 23 years old when I first moved in and well, I did have a few parties here and there.  Having an obsession with Pinatas, I might have had a few parties where I hung a Pinata from my Kitchen balcony so people in front of my garage below could hit it.  Fun times and the cops loved coming and saying hi to me.  They would always laugh, hang with my parents and watch us hit the Pinata and then leave.  

There was this one homeowner who was on the board who said that my noise, high level of activities and people coming over caused his wife to get cancer... CANCER. According to this Gentleman and I heard it out of his mouth directly, I caused Cancer. I can't say that a comment like that didn't affect me for a second but luckily I know what ailments I cause and Cancer isn't on the list and now they're claiming I don't clean up after my dogs.  Blasphemy!  

The fine notice said that I could appear in 6 weeks in front of the board to appeal it. And that's what I did.  For the next 6 weeks instead of throwing out my dogs poopie after picking it up, I saved it.  I walked into the board meeting, parents in tow with 6 weeks of dog shit and stood there with a bag hanging from each hand, arms straight out and said "Tell me I don't clean up after my dogs, I dare you"  and just smiled. Fighting every ounce of distain for me, the asshole who said I cause CANCER, shook his head and said "fine dismissed"!  Justice! Now that's the shit I'm talking about!

it could be the Edibles but....I mean probably....but

Have you ever noticed how excited newly engaged people are about "their story" of how they met!?  As if "their story" needs to be, in your face; our love is grander, greater, the ultimate love there is and a better story than anyone else who has ever lived.  They're making it into a screenplay, its that perfect. Like we care or if it matters!  You'll hate this story and find a way to use it against each other when you're dividing your assets because "your story was too good for a pre-nup."  "Us!? Divorced.... never!"  Ha, Hilarious! Don't have kids, thanks!

I mean, I doubt one man could ever really satisfy me full time and live to tell about it but should I ever find him.  I'd like our "love" story to be more reasonable and more like a real life possibility.  Something along the lines of... 

"She was trying to cause a distraction to mask the sound of a huge fart brewin' by bumping her cart against the onion display at whole foods, just as I was reaching for an onion for my guacamole. It was nasal rape 100%! Borderline Murder! Maybe a mild concussion" he'll exclaim lovingly! 

To which I will chime in adoringly, "As I looked over my shoulder, checking to see if i pulled it off undetected.... this really hung over; vodka breathed dude in dirty puked on jeans, spit whispered in my ear, I smelt it but I know you dealt it" 

The Guac was delish!~ Til death do us fart!

THE END

Credit: "War of the Roses" 

Hickory Braised Beef Short Ribs (Bone-In) #beefboner

  Short Ribs

2 - 3 lbs short ribs bone-in - grass fed, no hormone beef

2 white onions

4 garlic cloves

8 oz Liquid Smoke Hickory (whole foods or any market)
16 ounces Low Sodium Vegetable Stock
12oz (1 bottle) - Ginger Tonic/Ginger Beer

Black Pepper

Cumin

(*optional - Pink Himalayan Sea Salt)

Prep time: 10 minutes

Bake time: 20 minutes

Braise time: 4 - 8 hours (to taste)

Prepare the meat:

Tenderize the meat;  I usually use a rolling pin to pound out the meat.  Then I rub both sides of the meat with black pepper, cumin and a drizzle of liquid smoke hickory.

Baking dish Prep: 

Line the bottom of the baking dish with one chopped onion and 2 diced garlic cloves

Place meat on top of onions and garlic 

Place 2nd chopped onion and two diced garlic cloves on top of the meat.

Pour 8 oz of liquid smoke hickory over the meat

Pour approx. 16 ounces of low sodium vegetable stock into the baking dish

Place in the fridge and marinate for 24 hours: if you can! I've prepared this with zero marinating time and I've also, marinated as long as 4 days with this recipe and it was unbelievable.  The longer you marinate the more delicious this is but it will still be delish with no marinating time.

Bake: 350 degrees for 20 minutes

Braise (boil) - 4-6 hours - 

Pour contents of baking dish into stew pot, add one bottle of Ginger Tonic/Ginger Beer and bring to a boil. Once its boiled for about 5 minutes bring down to a simmer. Let simmer for a minimum of 4 hours.  6 hours is pretty delicious but 8 hours is a flavor explosion in your mouth.  Keep an eye on the au ju level and stir every hour-ish.  

Remember: cooking is always to taste.  You may prefer the meat at 2 hours into braising where I prefer 8.  This recipe will definitely take the fear and questions out of how to make the perfect fall of the bone short rib.  It's easy to make and will impress any palette.  

Complimentary dishes: 

steamed rosemary asparagus and fingering potatoes, sweet hot cauliflower "mash potatoes", curried beets, vegetable soup (use the au ju from the ribs and add vegetables)

Food Combining Lesson:

I've taken a high fatty meat dish and used the bare bones of ingredients to highlight the flavor of the meat. Without a sugary sauce, added fats from oil or high salt content, the only portion of this meal that some may frown upon is the fat content in the meat but because I didn't add any ingredients thats digestion are slowed down by the digestion of fat or anything that can't be naturally digested, the body will receive all the positive benefits of consuming red meat and won't be affected by the negatives. When eating a high fat meal, keep your sugars and carbs low so that they aren't stored as fat while your body digests the fat and protein from the meat.  Eat high water content carbohydrates like asparagus, cucumber, zucchini, cauliflower and celery with this meal to further aid in digestion and distribution of nutrients, proteins and fats.

Benefits of eating red meat:

High protein content in red meat helps repair and build body tissue as well as the production of antibodies that the body will use to support a healthy immune system. 

Meat is high in Iron which helps form hemoglobin that transports oxygen to the body, Zinc that helps in tissue formation and metabolism, magnesium and selenium that breaks down the fats and chemicals in the body. Red meat is also high in Vitamin A, B, and D which promotes good vision, stronger teeth, bones and skin health.

This is one of my favorite dishes to make for dinner parties and fun gatherings that most everyone will love. It's a full flavored healthy version of everyone's favorite guilty pleasure... ribs!  I hope you all enjoy it!

copyright: Raw Earth Medicine, Inc. 2014

Food! WTF?!

My head could explode from all the different choices of restricted diets I could go on to torture myself with or to take to the expert level of a meat and cheese extravaganza (atkins).  I could also laugh myself silly with the claims that all of these fads and quick fixes assure us in order to mask the real long term dangers of any type of restricted diet on the body, mind and soul.  After a life time of trying to obtain the socially except able "skinny" and being on every bandwagon in order to achieve it. Then I was struck by that car while on my bike and suddenly I couldn't do any impact work outs, so calories in and calories out with heavy training, cardio and high impact activities to balance out my "diet" just went out the window.  All senses of control I had on my body and mind flew out the door along with my body and mind connection.  It took 4 hours for my mind to accept that I was hit by a car.  The lady even had to explain to me that she hit me with her car.  It's a very strange space to be when you are feeling overwhelming sensations of pain in your body and your mind wants to eat to dull the pain so you have cravings for comfort foods but you also have a body that now seeks certain foods to aid in its every day management of inflammation and recovery throughout the entire body. A nervous system not only still in shock but searching to be soothed.  If I eat too much meat my whole body swells but if I eat too much fruit, i'll probably gain weight and carbs?! Wait, I'm not suppose to have those if I can't work out.  What am I going to do?!?!?

I had just enrolled in a nutrition program that was based on "Let food be thy medicine" and started to really research what foods would help me heal.  My doctors could not diagnose what was wrong with my leg and hip so slowly but surely I started eliminating any outside factors that could be contributing to my symptoms.  The more I started to read labels, the more I realized what crazy chemicals and additives I was really eating.  My body was screaming at me any time I ate something that wasn't really needed in order to heal itself from the force that a 3000 pound vehicle has on the human body.  Its hard not to think about it daily when I feel things that I wish would just go away but the truth is my body took a blunt force from the car, then went on to make impact with the handle bars at my chest as the rest of my body flung forward with my left hip and elbow making a huge impact with the asphalt where I then struggled to get to my feet.  How can the human body recover from that if I don't feed my body in a way that regenerates my cells.  I need to repair and heal every system in my body not to mention maintain the rest of my health.  It been almost 2 years of using holistic nutrition to help heal my body from my accident and manage my swelling to uncover the way I feel our bodies and minds were meant to be fed.  Not a diet but a lifestyle that allows us to live in optimum health and still enjoy the pleasures of the culinary world without the damage excessive consumption causes.  I obviously can't lay it all out in one post but I'm going to lay the groundworks for what will be a continuous work in progress, of a lifestyle I think anyone who desires a fit body, satisfying nutritional diet with room for guilt free pleasures from food and alcohol can enjoy.

As our bodies wake up from a great nights sleep, we've just been resting our minds but our bodies have been working all night to keep all our organs active and ready to carry us through another day. All of the foods that we have consumed the day before should already have been broken down and used with only waste remaining.  A clean slate of sorts with no fats remaining in our blood to slow down digestion.

I feel that its best to feed the body fruits all morning to surge our system with fast digesting fruits that will provide quick nutrition, as well as push out our waste as fast as possible.  I usually have something like 4 oranges and 5 dates.  I also drink a beet based juice with my fruits in the morning which further helps in eliminating toxins from the body.  Instead of taking an anti inflammatory pill, I mix cinnamon, turmeric and honey with hot water and cold pressed coffee to give me an extra pep in my step and more motion in my joints along with less swelling.  With this serge of energy I always like to do an hour of physical activity no matter what my level of pain is, to literally get my blood pumping so that it can deliver all of the wonderful nutrition the fruit I ate had.

After my morning pump, my body is ready for something a little bit more substantial but I also don't want to eat something that will be counter productive to my day and make me tired.  Since I was just physical my body is going to start to swell and stiffen up and this is when I eat as much fresh veggies and fruit as possible and wash it down with a Greens Based juice.  The high water content in the veggies and fruits helps to reduce swelling by flushing the system with more water and contributing to rapid cell regeneration.   I keep the fat and protein in this meal very low so that nothing slows the distribution of water and nutrients.  The goal is to get as much nutrition to my cells as fast as possible.

When you eat something that is high in fat and protein your body pulls all the fat and protein into the blood and due to the density in both causes a thickening of the blood.  While the body is breaking down and digesting fat and protein all other food must wait until the fat is broken down before anything else can be digested and distributed. Thats when good foods like fruit get a bad name. Its honestly worse for your waist to have fruit for desert after a steak dinner then it is to just have cake. So, if your weight is your concern keep the fruit to early in the day and if chemicals in the cake are your issue then eat the fruit for dessert.  See, its really all personal, like diet and nutrition should be. Here though, the principle is that veggies and fruits are fast digestion so long as there is low fat and protein, the body uses this nutrition immediately.

Continuing to feed my body what it needs, my mid afternoon nibble is usually a higher carb meal like mung beans and black rice with tomatoes, mint and parsley because my body is still running at a higher rate from my work out but its mentally slowing down.  Mung beans and rice are the highest source of none animal based protein with the fastest digestion and nutritional distribution rate which means I won't get tired from digestion, my body is getting something heartier to eat and my mind is benefitting by maintaining its energy by the boost caused by the protein and carbs.

At this time of day its around 4:30 and as you can see, I went from raw fresh fruits and veggies with two different kinds of beneficial juices to a cooked high carb meal that is naturally high in protein but is not animal based.  I have yet to touch high fat or high protein or any animal products.  I am feeding my body to support the natural course of my day and aid me in being able to perform with less swelling because nothing I eat produces a swelling affect.  You would be surprised by how much a food can cause inflammation.

We are now entering the evening and I am ready to start slowing down.  My evening meal is like a reward to my mind for my body using everything I have given it to fuel me and help keep my body in optimum health.  This is usually the time of day when my mind says feed me something delicious and ya know what, I do!  Braised short ribs with rosemary infused asparagus, sweet hot cauliflower mash and a glass of wine.... coming right up!  I know, it sounds crazy.  I just ate the healthiest you can possibly eat and then end it with short fatty ribs!?!?  Yes!  I'm eating them under the best of circumstances!  My body can break down the fat with ease and will use the rest of the benefits that come with red meat because there is nothing else my body is trying to digest in wonder.  Everything that I have consumed my body knows what to do with so when I do have something that is higher in fat and takes longer to digest my body is ready for the challenge.  My body has the rest of the night until the morning to break down the fat from this meal and distribute it.  Giving it 12 hours to digest means that it will all be used and not stored on my body as fat.  I'm also combining my foods in a way that my body can break everything down with ease of digestion and without any side affects of poor food combining like gas and bloating.

Every day of eating is not the same because either am I.  By learning how we digest foods and how our own bodies work, we can develop our own way to eat that give us the body we should realistically want, the mental clarity we desire and the most chemical free organic life possible.  The principle of the lifestyle I created will show people that no food is off limits to anyone and that our bodies have different requirements for nutritional support as it goes through its day, so we should feed it according to what it needs to function.  If you can do that, everything else around it finds balance, which is really the key to having a happy healthy life.

My dog is the asshole on the block....

I never ever choose the easy road.  Like seriously, never.  I could rescue any dog, there are tons of sweet dogs that need loving homes but no, I am always drawn to the asshole.  First there was Bayonne when I was 17.  I thought I could hide her from my parents for a while until I came up with a game plan of how to get them to find her randomly roaming... our backyard?  Or something to that affect. Being the responsible 17 year old that I was, I stopped to hook up Crystal on my way home...- (sidenote: yes doing Crystal Meth as a teen is a whole other blog post entirely) ~ anyhoo, when I rolled up and my dealer opened the door, Bayonne went nuts and he said "You need to take that thing back!"  What?  I would never and we didn't.  Bayonne lived for 10 years and only loved me and my father.  She bit my mom the night before she died because she served my dad dinner.  Now, here we are present day and what do you know, my dog is the asshole on the block.  People seriously walk across the street to avoid us now.  They also all think that I'm a raving lunatic bitch!  I mean, its all relative and personal interpretation but when you feel compelled to home a dog that will literally decide on a case by case basis who they will be nice to and who they will try to lung at with vicious barking until they virtually choke themselves out with no rhyme or reason, you tend to just give everyone a stern warning or correct them on what they're doing to contribute to this ludacris situation. Believe me, I try.  Every and any method to stop this crazy need to show every body that this is my mom and you are not to come near her and by the way this is also my sidewalk, my grass, my neighborhood and no you can not live in my world.  I don't think she's wrong at hating everyone because on the inside i do to.  Although, it would be nice to have social interactions with my neighbors but no, its just not allowed.  Instead my interactions include, can you walk faster by us or i'm sorry she just hates your dog, and my ultimate favorite, she hates children, especially yours.  Then there are my neighbors who's dogs have behavioral problems that produce an even more heinous behavior from Violet, like i can not even explain.  The real problem is that Violet is seriously the most delicious cuddle bug you've ever met.  She's potty trained, listens on command in the house and is really the most perfect little angel to me and I can not express how much joy she brings to me. I wish the world could see how special her little soul is but maybe secretly I don't.  Maybe it's the fact that I am the only one that these little assholes show their true selves to, maybe its the fact that Violet winks at me before she goes nutz on someone that warms my heart a little.  Maybe deep down I'm the asshole on the block too and sometimes I need a little saving.  I don't know what it is about the dog that hates everyone that makes me love them more but I all I know is..... My dog is the asshole on the block and I couldn't love her more.... except when I cringe with terror on walks for the people she hates.

VIOLET, The asshole on the Block!