I mean, I doubt one man could ever really satisfy me full time and live to tell about it but should I ever find him. I'd like our "love" story to be more reasonable and more like a real life possibility. Something along the lines of...
"She was trying to cause a distraction to mask the sound of a huge fart brewin' by bumping her cart against the onion display at whole foods, just as I was reaching for an onion for my guacamole. It was nasal rape 100%! Borderline Murder! Maybe a mild concussion" he'll exclaim lovingly!
To which I will chime in adoringly, "As I looked over my shoulder, checking to see if i pulled it off undetected.... this really hung over; vodka breathed dude in dirty puked on jeans, spit whispered in my ear, I smelt it but I know you dealt it"
The Guac was delish!~ Til death do us fart!
Credit: "War of the Roses"