Thursday, April 2, 2015

it could be the Edibles but....I mean probably....but

Have you ever noticed how excited newly engaged people are about "their story" of how they met!?  As if "their story" needs to be, in your face; our love is grander, greater, the ultimate love there is and a better story than anyone else who has ever lived.  They're making it into a screenplay, its that perfect. Like we care or if it matters!  You'll hate this story and find a way to use it against each other when you're dividing your assets because "your story was too good for a pre-nup."  "Us!? Divorced.... never!"  Ha, Hilarious! Don't have kids, thanks!

I mean, I doubt one man could ever really satisfy me full time and live to tell about it but should I ever find him.  I'd like our "love" story to be more reasonable and more like a real life possibility.  Something along the lines of... 

"She was trying to cause a distraction to mask the sound of a huge fart brewin' by bumping her cart against the onion display at whole foods, just as I was reaching for an onion for my guacamole. It was nasal rape 100%! Borderline Murder! Maybe a mild concussion" he'll exclaim lovingly! 

To which I will chime in adoringly, "As I looked over my shoulder, checking to see if i pulled it off undetected.... this really hung over; vodka breathed dude in dirty puked on jeans, spit whispered in my ear, I smelt it but I know you dealt it" 

The Guac was delish!~ Til death do us fart!


Credit: "War of the Roses" 

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