Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Softy the No Show Penis and why he gets me so mad!

(Written in 2014, many moons ago)

"Meow" said the booty call at 3:45pm on a tuesday afternoon.

"MMMM" said a horny Amy... "YAY!" ~ don't judge me, be free, try it yourself!

Who doesn't want to get a little hot and sweaty on a beautiful tuesday afternoon.  The short notice would make most girls cross their arms and be bitchy in a huff because how dare he think I can just drop everything and come running!  WRONG! Its all so silly to me, I want to have sex with him and he wants me and we both happen to be available! So, lets jump to this.

Texting me and rushing me knowing that my 20 minutes is really 45 and making me feel like I'm late to the SAT's or something.  I'm rushin zippy.  So, I get there and he's just super frisky, hands everywhere... on the lawn in the middle of the afternoon... I take a seat and things are going great for a long while until "Softy" - the no show penis rears his ugly head.  Are you serious?  I just braved laurel canyon at 4:30 for an afternoon delight that's not so delightful. Unless you enjoy what I like to call the softy no show circuit training where its a minute on, a minute blowing, a minute on, a minute blowing. Hard on the neck, hips and knees and reminiscent of the african mating ritual from Can't Buy Me Love.

Jesus, you had one job booty call. The best part of this is when men act like it's never happened before, "I'm baffled, this only happens with you", "its in my head, I swear, just give me a second" and my favorite "You mind fucked me"... I can absolutely take credit for a mind fucking comment. Yes, I will mind fuck a man sometimes better than I can actually fuck him but that's just fun and games for me and usually only happens when someones' a "big talker " and fails to put their money or dick in to action where their mouth is.  

Why is this something that suddenly becomes a woman's issue on all accounts?  My friend tried to explain it and said "Guys say "What's wrong with you?" and "Girls say "What's wrong with me?"... Thus making it our problem, no matter what. I'm not buying her reasoning. 

But damn it, Softy, you make me so mad.  The things men will do to hide this is unbelievable.  The Viagra guy who now has a four hour erection and thinks jack hammering me harder and harder is going to make his erection go away faster.  You took a pill dude you're in it to win it and maybe just maybe there is more to do with an erect penis than just penetrate.  Maybe just men need to just actually address the problem maybe softy comes around because you haven't mentally learned how to have real sex with a real sex loving woman.  

Sex isn't a poking and prodding cattle show, it a dance of pure pleasure that once you let your mind go and let your hands, mouth and body do all the thinking, there is nothing like it. Your mind should be so engulfed in the dance of receiving and giving that its near impossible to cloud the mind of the extreme bursts of pleasure.  

Society puts so much pressure on women to look in a way that will turn men on.  These pressures and the vanity of it all are extreme. Women are told that we should aspire to be this way to attract men so that they'll want to be with us, primarily sexually but now after all of our hard work we are also responsible for actually maintaining the guys erection for him too.  

This then brings us back to old softy, and just like the myth of does size matter and this has never happened before... It does matter and we all know that it does happen to you and not just with me, so lets cut that blaming us girls shit out and start actually fixing the problem and what we expect from the sexes.  

Life, love and sex get a lot easier and much better when we become honest and work for a change. Let's stop making sex so hush hush and for fucks sake, in the pursuit of more mind blowing sex for all and a happier world lets us all be free and work harder on helping each to work through and fix our issues instead of bottling it up and placing blame. If we all did this the world would be a much more sexually satisfied and less stressful place. Now...Go out and love someone.... Maybe even blow their mind! 

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